|| Thursday, August 19, 2010
What Makes Everlasting Love?
This week I got some interesting feedback on what makes people get married, what convinces people to believe in the hope of everlasting love, and is there one love of our life? Below are three current theories:
1. Destiny: Is who we are to marry already scripted, and all we have to do is let it all play out? Once, a psychic told me I was going to marry a guy with the first name starting with a letter 'R'. Is it already determined? Or once I had an ex-boyfriend tell me that he could have married me or any of his ex-girlfriends, and that finally one day, he decided he was "ready" and married the girlfriend at that time. Was that his destiny, that he was able to say "I do" exactly when he did?
2. Share Common Interests or an Outlook on Life: Once I saw a greeting card with two people sitting on a bench that said "It is not how you look at each other, but how you look out onto the world." I thought this was very interesting, and still wonder if everlasting love is kept everlasting through common activities, or through common values. Is it based on what people find most important in life, and being able to spend time with someone pursuing that value, like sports or a common alumni group? Our backgrounds or upbringings also make for a big influence in how we look at the world, and can having this in common be a secret ingredient in many couples' success?
3. Chemistry: Or do we have certain chemistry with some people that works for sustainability? I have discovered a tool that sometimes puts the finger on exactly what works or doesn't work between two people, at http://www.mypersonology.com. It identifies the ideal relationship between two people from among a dozen or so categories-friendship, siblings, work, love, love affair, and then differentiates all of those from a marriage dynamic. When I meet someone with whom I have a close relationship, like I did last week, I often feel that something with that person seems to click. No matter the situation, if we were solving complicated, technical problems or running through the rain, our communication or understanding of each others' temperament was always functional and well-understood. Plus, the outcome of our efforts was consistently the best possible solution, where we found an answer together that was better than each of us could have done on our own.
For me, these are important feelings and traits that I could see creating sustainability. Perhaps that's not everyone's ideal dynamic, but for me, I feel that communication and understanding are key traits for making something everlasting.
I will leave you with a quote from a friend of mine that felt appropriate:
"The heart does what the mind tells it to do and the mind tells what it is being told by the flow of time, the soul and the greater consciousness..."
From these lines, it sounds like everlasting love may be a combination of all of the above. If you have more theories, I very much would love to know.
Posted by Ingrid on 08/19 at 05:10 PM
(1) Comments •